I was lucky to be able to do everything possible to give Hilary a pleasant quality of life. Some people have their spouse taken away in an instant. I had time to show my love and respect to Hilary. I will always be grateful for that.
On the day of her diagnosis, I promised her that we were in this thing together. We were truly in it together and almost always spoke about her appointments, treatments, etc. as things that were going on with "us."
It was sometimes painful and shocking to watch what cancer did to her body, but that was my problem. For the most part, she tried not to notice or acknowledge much of it. I often told her that she looked great, she was improving, gaining weight, her hair was growing back nicely, etc. Sometimes I fibbed and sometimes it was the truth. Either way it always made her smile and lighten up.
In the last few months, for the first time in her life, she craved sweets. She loved Rice Crispy squares. I made a pan every other night. We would eat them as we watched NetFlix movies at night, along with a small batch of fresh-baked Toll House cookies. She wouldn't eat either unless I had one too. Even if I didn't feel like it I'd scarf them down so she could enjoy her snacks.
Hilary fell down while getting out of bed to take her 6:00 AM pills one morning. After that, I would no longer let her get up, sit down or walk around unless I were supporting her under her arms. I'd get up at 6:00 and we would go into the kitchen. Sleepily, I'd give her the pills, always in spoons of applesauce to make them easier to swallow. Then she'd eat half a banana followed by a bunch of Rice Crispy squares. I can still see and hear her happily munching those Rice Crispy squares.
One morning, I glanced at her as she ate her snacks. She was just gazing at me with such a look of love in her blue eyes. I'll never forget it.
I did what was needed to care for Hilary. I even got used to handling some of the unsavory elements of caring for an ill person, things that I never would have guessed that I could do. It didn't bother me.
I was told by several hospice nurses that I was an excellent caregiver. I was also told that it was noted in Hilary's records that she had an excellent quality of life and a husband/caregiver who loved her very much.
After she passed away, I called her favorite doctor to thank him for his kindness. He said that his staff was always touched by us whenever we visited. He said that I served as an inspiration to him and praised he me for taking such good care of Hilary. He said that there are many people without an illness who do not enjoy the high quality of life that Hilary had.
I'm glad that I could do that for Hilary.
